Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
