i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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