what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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