As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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