it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
