you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
