I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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