Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
