i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
