i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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