I need help removing her.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
