1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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