Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
