So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
i believe in u and ur pee
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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