with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
