Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize
