Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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