My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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