i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
