I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
