: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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