Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
