Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
