Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
