First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You need a sexual gate keeper
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
