dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
