6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
