She's JV to your varsity
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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