hell yes lets make some ravioli
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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