...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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