guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize