Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
