What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
