guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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