Swine flu. Run for my life!
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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