I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
