there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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