his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
