There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
