nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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