and you said cock pushups were impossible
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
