Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
