wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
