There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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