his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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