I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
did you just send me my own nude
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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