You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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