i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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