yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
