You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
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