She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
