I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
