yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
