Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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