I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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