i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
you had me at cake vodka
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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