I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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