Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
then he tried to convert me to islam
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
That accounts for only three of the penises
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
