We named our party play list daddy issues
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
