Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
