Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
