You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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