it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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