During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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