Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
